Need Help Weeding Out The Douchebag’s?

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This post will be dedicated to Men.

Or rather, what it means to BE a Grown Up Man, and what makes the difference between a Good Man and a Bad Man.

See, I’ve done a fair amount of legwork on this one, or….ahem….Research, if you will, and it seems that there are a few fundamental flaws that seem to predict whether or not a Man is a Grownup Man, or simply a Large Toddler wearing Big Boy pants.

The first and the foremost is a Biggy:

  1. Does He Show Up?
    1. See–this means a lot, and when I say a Lot, I mean A LOT A LOT, like, um……HUGE A LOT.
      1. This means………..does he show up when he’s supposed to show up? If not, then Boooooooooooooooooooothumbsdownjustcarryonaboutyourwayandleavemealone.  THAT one’s a no-brainer.  If the dude makes plans with you and then doesn’t show up?  Put a period on that sentence.  The End.  Cuz he doesn’t think you’re important enough to show up for.  But the next one is even MORE important:
        1. Does he show up when you needed him to show up even though you didn’t ask? See—these are the gems, in friendship, in relationships, in life—when you look back at the hardest times in your life, you’ll never forget who showed up.
          1. But the other thing is…what if you’re having a really hard time because of this person? Does he show up then?  This is important.  Because it might seem like the hardest thing to do EVER, but after a fight might be the most important time.  The time when everything stings, and no one knows what to say, and everything feels raw and wounded and open………does he show up then?  The ones that do are keepers.*
            1. *The asterisk is for the ones who show up because they are drunk, or because your relationship was based on a sick co-dependency for something other than each other’s love. Don’t do that.
          2. Does he care about anything YOU care about?
            1. Now let me stipulate a little bit here, because I find that men don’t care about much. That matters, I mean—caring about Fantasy Football and caring about orphans in Tanzania are two different things.  This is not the “what do you have in common” question, but rather—Did he or Does he become interested in things that are very important to you sort of ‘by proxy’?  This cannot be something that you made him do, by the way, ladies.  It has to be something that he picked up of his own accord and decided to publicly declare somehow (social media counts) that he too, cares about.  Then you have MADE something in common, which means a whole lot more than something that you both just happen to like.
          3. Does he kiss you in public? This includes in front of his friends.  And parents.  If not = Fuhghettabboutit, because it ain’t gonna happen, and he’s a douchebag.


To be continued……

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