So, today I’m thinking about a lot of things.
My boys had an appointment today with the Pediatrician who recommended that I not have custody of them to the Court based on a garbage bag full of lies that my mother, sister, and ex-husband her. I wasn’t able to attend their two-year check up because I don’t have a car and the short notice that the Bonczars gave me wasn’t enough to arrange transport…..it doesn’t really matter I guess–the POINT is that I wasn’t able to attend my sons’ two year check-up and I REALLY WOULD HAVE LIKED TO BE THERE.
But that would be a different story. It would be the story where I show up, glare at the Monsters Who Took My Children Away From Me For No Good Reason, and then go into Mommy mode in the next split-second, because as soon as their eyes meet mine they will start struggling to get away from whoever is holding them, their eyes will brighten, their hands will reach out, and they will run to me.
I will cover their little smushy faces with kisses and “Hi!”‘s and “I’m so happy to see you!”‘s, while I gather them both in my arms in a desperate attempt to feel as much of them against me as I can…
My Mother, Brenda, would roll her eyes and turn away, my Father would look at his feet.
When we get into the exam room, MaryAnne Rigas, The Pediatrician, would examine them, disregard or qualify and then dismiss everything I say, and focus only on The Bonczars.
They, of course, are the Grown-Ups in this situation, the Responsible Ones With Jobs And Vehicles And Houses And Manners.
I am The Drug Addicted Whore Alcoholic Neglectful Dangerous One.
We Don’t Talk To People Like You.
Then the children would get vaccines and we would talk about growth charts and what not.
And then they would cry, and cling to me when it was Time To Go. You know the drill, Jess. You don’t get them until noon on Fridays.
Read the paper.
This reminds me SO MUCH of my experience that I spoke about in Toronto 2012 and wrote about in my first book Kidowed, in which the triage nurses in the ER of Pittsburgh’s Children’s Hospital were looking at a PIECE OF PAPER to see how the patients were doing, instead of looking at the PERSON.
Is this really how we are going to raise these children?
“What’s for lunch today?”
I don’t know, go read the Court Order…