Dear “Confused” About The Definition Of EMPATHY. Ima’ Setcha Straight Right NOW.

Here’s the comment from an “anonymous” person.  Too bad I remember all of your email addresses even back to middle school, HON:

“You claim to be preaching love but spend so much of your energy on anger and insult …
Do you not see this?

Are you not inclined to offer respect and empathy (things you continually seek for yourself) to all others?

Are you not held to the same standards of decency as the rest of us?

My EMBLAZONED WITH RAGE REPLY because I just got off the phone with my 5 year old, who said to me, sobbing–  “Mommy, I’m NOT FINE!”  When I told her that in ten days, the Judge will decide about custody and things will be more normal, and I’m so sorry that this whole summer really sucked.  She had started crying in the middle of it, I was hoping that it would give her some Hope, Something To Look Forward To……but then I realized…

She doesn’t believe me any more.

When I tell her things will get better.

My FIVE year old is grieving and in a HUGE amount of pain every day, and she is lost hope that I can do anything about it.

When I got off the phone with her, with clenched teeth and a shaking fist on each side of my face, I sobbed and sobbed.

No, Gotta Try Again.

I called him right back–“Can’t she please spend the night here?”


“I’ll see you tomorrow at 4:15.”

I said– “Mike!  Don’t you HEAR the pain?”

“Don’t You SEE the Tears??”

“She’s Fine,” He said, and hung up.

Anywhoooo.  Nothing matters and everyone is fine, so Lemme Learn Ya A Little Sumthin:


Oh, how I held my tongue over the last 20 years, how I made concessions for you, poor you guys, the family that has to Bear The Burden Of Having Jessica In It and Why Lordy Why Have I Been Dealt Such A Horrible Hand? I WAS nice to all of you, I DID go out of my way (WAY OUT OF MY WAY SOMETIMES–Do you remember when Mom had her hysterectomy and I was the one who Took A Week Off Work, Drove The Eight Hour Round Trip While I Was Also Terrified And 8 Months Pregnant With A Baby Who I Was Pretty Sure Was Terminally Ill, and stayed with Mom during that time. Because I KNOW what it feels like to wake up from surgeries, naked and in pain and scared, WITH NOBODY THERE FOR YOU. And remember that Christmas, when you got Appendicitis, But Jaimi and I didn’t know, so when we finally got to Holland, NY, AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way from PENNSYLVANIA, we turned right around and raced to the hospital to be by your side. To make sure that you were okay.
And when I was hurriedly putting my snowy boots back on in the doorway of Grandma and Grandpa Bonczar’s house, because YOU were sick and THAT was the most important thing, we could reschedule Christmas, and I joked, “Geezoman, First Jaimi’s Appendix, and then Cooper’s! I must be next!”
“Aunt” Diane, who I am NOT related to by blood but you are, laughed nastily– “Oh, Don’t Worry Hon–There’s NO Blood There!”
Which implied–no. SAID all KINDS of nasty things.
Things like….. My mom deserved to be shamed for getting knocked up in high school.
Things like….. There Were Constant Reminders When We Were Growing Up About Who Belonged In The Family And Who Was Just The Bastard Offspring That We Took In Out Of “Charity.”
Who Were The Children Born In Or Out Of Wedlock…..
Things like–making it a point to say HALF-Brother, instead of little brother.
And while your definition of things like empathy, decency, and respect differ VASTLY from mine–it’s YOU that’s not being empathetic.
To vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
That is the definition of empathy.
So while you are pointing a finger at me for my angry, tortured, loud display of my feelings and experiences and then using that to call me indecent, disrespectful, and without empathy BECAUSE you reject the way that I express myself is…. extraordinarily hypocritical and stupid.
Good Talk, Kid Brother Who Has NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER Even BOTHERED To Get To Know Me.
Whatever Dude–Your life was EXTREMELY different from mine, okay, even tho we had sorta the same ‘rents–MMK?
Just because you refuse to BELIEVE the things I say, does not actually MAKE. THEM. UNTRUE.
Open your big blue eyes, stupid, and look outward.
You are the epitome of Narcissism.
Look Around You.
Listen For Once, Instead Of Just Spouting Shit Out Of Your Mouth All Of The Fucking Time.
God Almighty.

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