She Never Speaks….. To Me

Today my mother spoke directly to me, which is rare.

She of course reminded me of all of the hurt and pain that I have caused the family because of my children dying.  The first two grandchildren in the family.  It was then that it seemed to me that my Teen Mom Turned Warrior Grandma had finally gotten a clue about what life is about.

She did.

She decided that everyone who is HAPPY is on DRUGS.

Then She decided that everyone who was ANGRY was MENTALLY ILL.

Huh.

Good talk, Bindie.

Turns out that you’re wrong.

Because it turns out that every nasty horrible thing you had just at the tip of your tongue, ready to fire, and I heard this, and Oh My God That, And in case of emergency……doesn’t stand a chance.       When it comes to the difference between right and wrong.     It turns out that THIS mom, the one who was chosen for the role of Mommy to Jaxon Tyler and Henry William, knows the difference between neglect and simply class differences.

She continually asks for Kleenexes.

I don’t SPEND MONEY on KLEENEXES.

Next is that they aren’t covered enough.  Good.  From a woman who MAKES [QUILTS] blankets in her LEISURE TIME.

But When ASKED, BY HER DAUGHTER WHO HAS THREE SMALL CHILDREN IF SHE HAS ANY EXTRA BLANKETS, says, “No.”

She CONTINUALLY reminds me that I haven’t taken “RESPONSIBILITY”  and that it is not her “JOB” to take care of my offspring, although she does it begrudgingly…..

No, Brenda.  It ISN’T your JOB to care for other small human beings who you seem to have focused your existence around………oh ….wait,  THAT IS YOUR JOB.   Soooooo…………do you only care about them if you are getting paid for …..  “watching” them?

Is this why I have to hear about every single penny that you have spent on them, every minuscule effort, every goal met that you proudly take credit for…..   but what you DON’T say,……….. what NOBODY says–……….IS THIS: Yeah, my kids who came into this life 6 weeks premature and everything has been harder for them to learn than it would be for average kids.   But HERE’S the THING:  Instead of shaming and blaming and being judgmental and horrid to their Mothers……what about something different for a change?…………..

WHAT ABOUT focusing on POSITIVE reinforcements and STRENGTH building and Encouraging A Positive Value System?

5 thoughts on “She Never Speaks….. To Me

  1. Wait She makes blankets. You asked her for blankets. She said no. And now she criticizes you for not putting enough blankets on them?!

    She took custody of your kids and then complains she has to care for them and spend money on them? She bought and paid for that problem.

    The mind just boggles.

    Like

  2. You claim to be preaching love but spend so much of your energy on anger and insult …
    Do you not see this?

    Are you not inclined to offer respect and empathy (things you continually seek for yourself) to all others?

    Are you not held to the same standards of decency as the rest of us?

    Like

    1. OOOOHHHH COOPER BONCZAR, GET OFF MY FUCKING PAGE YOU COWARD.

      Oh, how I held my tongue over the last 20 years, how I made concessions for you, poor you guys, the family that has to Bear The Burden Of Having Jessica In It and Why Lordy Why Have I Been Dealt Such A Horrible Hand? I WAS nice to all of you, I DID go out of my way (WAY OUT OF MY WAY SOMETIMES–Do you remember when Mom had her hysterectomy and I was the one who Took A Week Off Work, Drove The Eight Hour Round Trip While I Was Also Terrified And 8 Months Pregnant With A Baby Who I Was Pretty Sure Was Terminally Ill, and stayed with Mom during that time. Because I KNOW what it feels like to wake up from surgeries, naked and in pain and scared, WITH NOBODY THERE FOR YOU. And remember that Christmas, when you got Appendicitis, But Jaimi and I didn’t know, so when we finally got to Holland, NY, AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way from PENNSYLVANIA, we turned right around and raced to the hospital to be by your side. To make sure that you were okay.
      And when I was hurriedly putting my snowy boots back on in the doorway of Grandma and Grandpa Bonczar’s house, because YOU were sick and THAT was the most important thing, we could reschedule Christmas, and I joked, “Geezoman, First Jaimi’s Appendix, and then Cooper’s! I must be next!”
      “Aunt” Diane, who I am NOT related to by blood but you are, laughed nastily– “Oh, Don’t Worry Hon–There’s NO Blood There!”
      Which implied–no. SAID all KINDS of nasty things.
      Things like….. My mom deserved to be shamed for getting knocked up in high school.
      Things like….. There Were Constant Reminders When We Were Growing Up About Who Belonged In The Family And Who Was Just The Bastard Offspring That We Took In Out Of “Charity.”
      Who Were The Children Born In Or Out Of Wedlock…..
      Things like–making it a point to say HALF-Brother, instead of little brother.
      I AM EMPATHETIC TO EVERYONE.
      I KNOW A LOT ABOUT WALKING IN OTHER PEOPLE’S SHOES.
      And while your definition of things like empathy, decency, and respect differ VASTLY from mine–it’s YOU that’s not being empathetic.
      To vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
      That is the definition of empathy.
      So while you are pointing a finger at me for my angry, tortured, loud display of my feelings and experiences and then using that to call me indecent, disrespectful, and without empathy BECAUSE you reject the way that I express myself is…. extraordinarily hypocritical and stupid.
      Good Talk, Kid Brother Who Has NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER Even BOTHERED To Get To Know Me.
      Whatever Dude–Your life was EXTREMELY different from mine, okay?
      Just because you refuse to BELIEVE the things I say, does not actually MAKE. THEM. UNTRUE.
      Open your big blue eyes, stupid, and look outward.
      You are the epitome of Narcissism.
      Look Around You.
      Listen For Once, Instead Of Just Spouting Shit Out Of Your Mouth All Of The Fucking Time.
      God Almighty.

      Liked by 1 person

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